Shame

Shame is not a constructive emotion. It does not inspire us to change; it does not encourage us to grow. Carrying shame is really just a relationship with an abusive partner, except that the abuser is you—your inner voice instructing you to hold onto things from the past that cannot be changed. Or, defining some aspect of your being as unacceptable. Your emotions feed on this negativity and you are left lamenting the past or just feeling awful.

I wonder at these entities of shame guilt, which we seem to celebrate in our society. We role-model it for our children inspiring them to create their own burdens to carry. In the upper mid-west we tend to put our guilt and shame on a pedestal. We coin it “Lutheran or Catholic guilt”. We celebrate it in a way that we celebrate the long goodbye or our overly pronounced ‘O’. “Nooo. I can’t doo that. Lutheran guilt, you know”. We carry our burdens with pride because we are under the impression that it keeps us humble. The deep secret hidden, we proudly shine our badges of shame. We are martyrs and cross carriers and we celebrate this because we feel it makes us better people. IT DOES NOT.

 Burdened by shame or guilt is not a productive or healthy way to address any present moment! Think about this: If you are carrying a heavy load in your arms, how can you free your hands to shake a stranger’s? If your arms are holding shame, how do you free them so that you can completely hold your children? Your partner? You friend in need of a hug? If your mind is clouded by this burden, how can your thoughts be fully there to listen to the stories that your children share? You cannot be fully present for life if you are chained to the shame or guilt of a past decision, action or aspect of being.

Let it go. Whatever it is, let it go. You are not your past decisions or actions. If it is an aspect of your being that causes this cloud, know that you are perfect in this present moment! Defined only by your own thoughts- celebrate yourself! Let it go and show up fully for every present moment. Free your hands to shake a stranger’s! Free your arms to hug your friends! Free your mind so that you are fully there to soak up the stories that your children tell. Be. Here. Now. It will make you a better person! Find your peace.